Introduction

Welcome

Welcome to There Is No Cow Level! This is a heroic D&D campaign set in the dark fantasy world of Sanctuary. This will be a high fantasy, combat-heavy, sword-and-spell dungeon crawl with elements of mystery, horror, and heroism. Although the setting itself is dark and grim, players are encouraged to approach the world and systems playfully, with curiosity, creativity, and good humor.

The Hook

Dark whispers have spread across Sanctuary; something horrible and sinister has befallen the lands of Khanduras. King Leoric, originally an Eastern Lord from the eastern lands of Kehjistan, had declared himself ruler of the farming lands not long ago, at the behest of the Zakarum Church. But the once revered king soon grew mad, declared war upon Westmarch (whose armies are far superior), and sent his men to their deaths. He executed his people and razed his seat of power, the town of Tristram. Rumors say he is dead now, but some say otherwise.

You have been summoned by the Horadrim, an ancient society of mages long believed extinct, to investigate what’s left of Tristram, make sure Leoric is dead, and find out what evil forces may be at play.

Guiding principles

Have fun!

The ultimate goal of this campaign is to have fun together. Everything else should always be in service of that goal. Please let me know if anything is bothering you, or if you have any advice/suggestions to improve the experience.

Player safety and consent

Your comfort and boundaries are important. We will cover lines and veils during session zero. If anything comes up during a session, please speak up or message me.

Player autonomy

I want you to have as much freedom and control over your character as possible. I only ask that your creations and choices be tailored to the spirit, setting, and rules of the campaign. I will do my best to set clear rules and expectations so you can make informed choices.

Teamwork and PVP

This campaign is designed as an epic battle between good and evil. The player characters are the “good guys” and are intended to work together against evil. Player-versus-player combat is strongly discouraged and is not within the intended spirit of the campaign. Any PVP requires above-the-table consent from both players involved.

Flavor is free

Players may customize cosmetic aspects of their character, equipment, and spells freely. You may do this to match the setting or to better match your character concept. For example, an arcane spell that does poison damage could be “reskinned” to match the poison-lobbing aesthetics of a Witch Doctor.

Minor functional changes may be allowed with DM approval as well, as long as it’s for a thematic reason. However, damage type changes will not be allowed for purposes of flavor (with the exception of slashing/piercing/blunt).

Rule of cool

Players are encouraged to think tactically and to use the rules of the game to their advantage. However, the rules are an incomplete simulation. If you want to try something that is not strictly supported by the rules, like swinging from a chandelier for a particularly flashy maneuver, you are free to try, and the DM will do his best to adjudicate fairly.

Systems

This campaign is designed using D&D 5.5e (2024). Or more specifically, the official open-license Systems Resource Document (SRD 5.2). I am most familiar with the original 5e, but would like to try out the new version.

The 5.5e system is designed to be backwards-compatible with 5e (2014) content. Player characters may use either system, but must be fully rooted in one system or the other. A character’s race/species, background, class, subclass, and class features must be from a single system. This includes the new weapon mastery system, which is exclusive to 2024 classes. For purposes of simplicity and novelty, sticking to 2024 is strongly encouraged. However, if you really want to play a 2014 Druid because you don’t like the new shapeshifting mechanics, that is exactly why 2014 characters are also allowed.

All spells are rooted in 2024, regardless of which system a character is built in. This is to avoid confusion due to different entities using different printings of the same spell.

This campaign includes some Diablo-inspired homebrew content that will be introduced gradually. Any homebrew mechanics relevant to character creation are explained in the Player Characters article.